Honest Obi-One
Luke Skywalker shook his head and smiled. "No, my father didn't fight in the clone wars, he was a navigator on a spice freighter." Old grey-haired Obi-Wan was unfazed. "That's what your uncle told you. He didn't hold with your father's ideals and thought he should have stayed here and not gotten involved."
Luke grew grave. "How did my father die?"
Obi-Wans Kenobi took a deep breath. "Sit down young Luke. It is time you knew the truth. C-3PO, pour a Jawa Juice. Luke will need a stiff drink after this." Kenobi turned back to Luke. "Originally I was going to conceal this information for your own good. But a Jedi does not lie just because he does not like to face reality." Luke cocked his head sideways. "Jedi?" Kenobi shifted in his seat and rearranged his tan robe.
"Your father did not die, Luke. He was my apprentice. I taught him everything I knew. He was the best starfighter pilot I had ever seen and a cunning warrior." Luke smiled. "So my father is still alive?" Kenobi continued. "Unfortunately he also grew up to be a spoiled, selfish and overconfident young man. Apparently he also had anger problems. And he got married without telling me, or inviting me to the wedding. He befriended the Emperor, the worst mass murderer in the history of the Galaxy. He ended up murdering all of the Jedi. Also he broke your mother's heart and helped found the Empire. He did try to kill me, so I cut off his limbs and left him in a pool of lava to die. But he was saved by the Emperor and now he walks around in a cybernetic suit and has a very deep voice." His name is Darth Vader.
Luke sat very still with his mouth hanging open. Obi-One continued. "Also Princess Leia, that girl from the hologram, is your sister." Luke managed to blurt. "So I am actually Prince Luke?" Kenobi smiled. "No, it's complicated. She was adopted." Luke grabbed for the Jawa Juice and missed, his eyes fixed on the old man. "How in the stars do you know all of this?" Kenobi glanced away. "Well. I have been watching you for your whole life. Also you can control a mystical energy called the Force. I lied earlier and I do recognize your droids. I know them well. I wonder what happened to R2-D2's jetpack rockets."
Luke staggered to his feet, knocking over the Jawa Juice. "My uncle Ben was right. You are just a crazy old man. I'm going back to the moisture farm." Obi-Wan jumped up, knocking C3-PO off balance. "Wait Luke, I need your help to rescue your sister." Luke yelled over his shoulder as he dashed out the door. "She is not my sister. You are crazy." Kenobi stood for a minute staring at the door, then turned to C3-PO. "Perhaps I should have broken it to him more slowly."
Luke raced across the vast dune sea in his landspeeder, forgetting the droids in his haste. He was so earger to get home he failed to notice the imperial dropship parked in his front yard. Luke skidded the speeder to a stop in front of his home and marched into the dining room. "Uncle Ben, I met Obi-One and he cooked up the kookiest story you ever heard..." Inside his Uncle Ben and Aunt Beru cowered at the table where a towering black robed figure sat, staring at Luke from behind the souless visor of a gleaming helmet. "Greetings. I was on my way to recover the droids and destroy my old master once and for all. But I thought that I would stop by the old homestead and visit my son."
Luke raced across the vast dune sea in his landspeeder, forgetting the droids in his haste. He was so earger to get home he failed to notice the imperial dropship parked in his front yard. Luke skidded the speeder to a stop in front of his home and marched into the dining room. "Uncle Ben, I met Obi-One and he cooked up the kookiest story you ever heard..." Inside his Uncle Ben and Aunt Beru cowered at the table where a towering black robed figure sat, staring at Luke from behind the souless visor of a gleaming helmet. "Greetings. I was on my way to recover the droids and destroy my old master once and for all. But I thought that I would stop by the old homestead and visit my son."
Good April Fool's joke. Ha.
ReplyDeleteI did not originally intend for this to be an April Fools thing, but I guess it works in that capacity. I hope you got a good laugh out of it.
DeleteOh, okay. But yeah, it works either way. Obi Wan is such a liar though. Oh, excuse me, "from a certain point a view huh?"
DeleteNice job! Obi-Wan is one of my favorite Star Wars characters, so it's always great to read something about him :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the compliment. I tried to make it sound like something that Alec Guinness would say.
DeleteHahaha, this was great!
ReplyDelete